Linda grew up in a normal home, where antisocial activities such as lying, stealing, cursing, threats and physical violence were neither encouraged nor allowed to occur without disciplinary action. So when her mother one day filed a police report describing a no-holds-barred wrestling match with her daughter -- a serious battle that included the girl banging her mother's head against a wall -- the situation naturally puzzled observers. When it was learned that the girl had been terrorizing her mother for years through outbursts that were similar although not always involving actual bodily assault, defying the mother's efforts to keep her from staying out all night, vandalizing school property, verbally abusing teachers and the like, the mystery only deepened.

What was going on? Why had this child raised in a conventional manner turned out so difficult? And what, if anything, could her frustrated and frightened yet caring mother do about it? Psychologist Stanton Samenow has been answering questions like this for decades. The case of Linda and many similar children is detailed in his book, Before It's Too Late: Why Some Kids Get Into Trouble -- And What Parents Can Do About It (Times Books, 1998). Along with the stories, Samenow presents tools for identifying what he calls "antisocial children" as well as steps parents can take to help to get their straying offspring on track.

Samenow has studies many children (and their families) with criminal behavior as a backdrop. And his use of criminal examples throughout this book may cause you to stop reading or rationalize that he is he is not talking about your child; keep reading and substitute difficult for antisocial.

One of Samenow's essential points is that parents do not, by themselves or even primarily, generally cause their children to become behavior problems. He notes that not all children raised in environments with physical or emotional abuse, alcohol or drug use, or crime become abusers, addicts, or criminals. He points out that sometimes children raised in loving, sober, and law-abiding households frequently have major behavioral problems and more. It's inexplicable, Samenow says, and mostly leaves it at that.

What he doesn't leave alone is the idea that antisocial behavior in children is recognizable early on. He offers seven characteristics that identify children who are likely to get into trouble. First is an inflexible and unreasoning insistence on having things their way. Second is repeated evidence of doing things they know are wrong and likely to incur punishment, yet doing them anyway. Third, is a habitual disregard of injury to others (maybe animals too). Fourth is clinging to groundless pretensions regarding their own merits, along with unrealistic expectations for their future success. Fifth, is an unvarying predisposition to taking the easy way out of anything that seems disagreeable - this is where addict behavior sometimes develops. Sixth is lying as a way of life. And last, these antisocial children relentlessly refuse to be held accountable for their actions. It is always someone else's fault.

Samenow emphasizes that these activities signify serious trouble only when repeated as patterns of behavior. That is, a white lie every now and then is not cause for drastic action. But someone who lies chronically and often seemingly for no other reason than the excitement of befuddling others as to his or her true nature and activities suggests a more serious problem.

For parents to whom these traits seem chillingly familiar, Samenow offers six steps to take to address, if not fix, the problem behavior. First, parents need to stop denying that there is a problem. Denial is a self-preservation tool within all of us. However, the first step to fixing a problem is to admit that the problem actual exists. Second, parents, just as the problem behavior child, must not take the easy way out. How many parents have completed a child's homework or cleaned their room because it was easier than arguing? Parents must establish firm boundaries and rules and then establish clear consequences and discipline for non-compliance. Third, parents must demand accountability and question their own rationalizations (excuses) that seem to absolve the child of blame. Fourth, parents must stick together -- divide and conquer is one of the most popular and effective strategies children with behavior problems employ to control their family's and households. Fifth, parents must resist the temptation to rescue their children when their children portray themselves as victims. Finally, and maybe most important of all is that parents must not blame themselves for everything that is wrong with their child. More often than not, the child is actually responsible for their own bad behavior.

This last point deserves more emphasis. Samenow is an enemy of the "it must be the parents' fault" line of thinking. He believes that even young children are, to a considerable extent, masters of their own fate. He points out that families full of well-behaved children sometimes have one black sheep who causes far more trouble than the rest combined. If it were the parents' fault, he reasons, why aren't all the kids in hot water?

Samenow doesn't guarantee his approach will work. He does say, however, that it has worked, at least to the extent of giving some previously seemingly incorrigible children some sense of the value of truth, fairness, selflessness, work, and self-discipline. For parents like Linda's battered and bewildered mother -- and possibly you or someone you know -- that might mean sleeping through the night peacefully.

If you have a child who's behavior is unexplainable and causing problems in the family, buy this book and read it out loud with your spouse. Better yet, buy two copies and give one to a friend that you think may be in need of a good nights sleep.