Are you doing the best you can for your children by doing all you can for them? Depending on the extent of your resources and ability to help your children out, the answer may be a resounding "No!".
While the advantages of wealth are undeniable, it comes with disadvantages that are real enough. The specific dysfunction that is associated with having copious amounts of money has a name - affluenza. And, despite the fact any one who complains about the pitfalls of wealth is likely to be ignored or met with the ridiculing response "I wish I had your problems." The manifestations of affluenza range from slight to severe. They're especially prevalent among the second generation of money, those who have never been exposed to the lifestyle that the majority of Americans live.
What are the signs of affluenza? It may e an obsession with work - a driven workaholic compulsion to achieve - exhibited by a child who feels he or she must match or exceed the outsized accomplishments of an extraordinarily successful parent. The fixation on achievement is often manifested badly in their involvement with the family business. Eager to prove themselves in comparison to their parents, they often take on more than they are ready to handle. They may be too willing to chance everything on grandiose schemes with huge payoffs but even bigger risks. Since grown children often hold substantial amounts of power within the family business, their over-ambition can easily jeopardize the welfare of the business and the entire family.
While for some children it is their fervent drive to outdo their parents that hinders their success; others face the opposite problem of diminished self-confidence. Outsiders often dismiss the rank of children of successful business families as the result of being born into prosperity and power. This can be even more true within the family business, where offspring are often resented by other workers who attribute their promotions to politics rather than merit. Non-family workers become demotivated, feeling they cannot compete with the owner's children. This can rapidly drain morale and productivity.
Children too may suspect, rightly or wrongly, that they just don't deserve what they've received, and as a result, perform poorly. Even if they are treated no differently than others by astute parents, the adult children's competence at work will be critically scrutinized by others, many of whom are eagerly waiting to see them fail. The glare of constant inspection impairs the children's own self-esteem as they begin to doubt whether their success is based on their ability or family privilege.
Children suffering from affluenza often display character traits that are bred into their personality from the time they are able to understand the implications of extraordinary wealth. One sad example is the desire for instant gratification in all things, which they frequently believe they are permitted because of their money.
Who can blame them? The exceptionally rich may never know what it is to wait tables in restaurants or work as a clerk in retail. They are pampered with preferable treatment on airplanes and stay at luxury hotels that cater to their every wish. This, combined with the subtle but pervasive message from the older generation that their wealth classifies them above others, can produce either arrogance or guilt among children. To reinforce the impression of superiority, children are often sent to the finest private prep schools, attend world-renowned universities, travel to areas of the glove most citizens only hear about, and are exposed to the many luxuries of wealth their entire lives. This can very easily cause them to believe that they are somehow irrevocably entitled to get precisely what they want when they want it.
Later in life, these children may become managers who crave instant gratification through their work, often leading them to make rash decisions with dangerous consequences. Their arrogance may make them difficult to work with, and often they are overtly disliked by coworkers, who may be only too ready to resent their status within the company.
Then there's the flip side: Children filled with guilt over their riches. This is going too far the other way, as those who feel guilty about their easy time of it will often be easily swayed by others because of the fear of being perceived as pampered and demanding. They often lack leadership qualities, feeling they have been handed all their fortunes without effort and therefore are not deserving of leadership These children may go to extraordinary lengths to disguise their wealth and appear as a 'commoner.' But in trying to escape who they are, they are not necessarily any happier or better able to lead a family business.
In this age of Internet startups, dot.com millionaires who come to work in cut-off and flip-flops are becoming commonplace. Their striving to better relate to employees and others who do no share their wealth is certainly admirable. But an unseemly humble appearance in dress and demeanor by someone who doesn't come by it naturally can indicate a child so overwhelmed by guilt that he or she is genuinely ashamed of their money and all its implications. This situation can become self-destructive. To demonstrate their disregard for their riches, they can become dangerously impulsive in risking large sums of money they have come to resent. Gambling, for instance, is a common addiction among the rich, and it can inflict not only those who are trying to increase their wealth, but those trying to unload their burdensome wealth.
The best way to combat affluenza is prevention. Entrenched attitudes of privilege are difficult to uproot. A family business member who suffers from seriously damaged self-esteem as a result of excessive indulgence may never be able to effectively lead a complex, challenging family enterprise. So it's necessary to deal with the problem early on. For example, when a teenage son repeatedly wrecks his new car instead of buying him a new one without questions parents should talk to him abut his frustration, which may well stem from his wealth. By assuring that later generations understand the sometimes corrosive effect of family money and that they do not need to compete against the money, parents can help alleviate the stress of growing up wealthy.
Trying to artificially create a challenging environment in the midst of great prosperity can naturally be tricky. It's as possible to generate resentment for seeming to unfairly withhold resources as it is to mole an admirable human being. For that reason, the assistance of a consultant or therapist often helps families battle the problems of affluenza. Outside help is brought in to help the family view their situation without obscuring emotion or bias and can add the experience of dealing with similar situations in other families.
As a society, we have a long way to go toward recognizing the realty of affluenza. While the public readily sees the opportunities and freedom of being raised wealthy, the drawbacks of wealth are met without sympathy. In "The Golden Ghetto", a book exploring the consequences of affluenza, author Jessie O'Neill quotes a therapist6 as trivializing a wealthy patient's complaint that her money has kept her from establishing intimate relationships as saying "I just don't understand the problem. Aren't' there enough (Rockefeller, Kennedy etc.) boys to go around?"
The consequences of poverty undoubtedly are more dire than those of wealth. But it's no less true that families and businesses have been painfully shattered by the paradoxical fact that they have been too successful. Only by dispelling the myth of wealth as a ticket to utopia and seriously examining the difficulties growing up with money can be understand and deal with the cliched axiom that money doesn't buy happiness, a truth often only believed by the formerly wealthy, who have learned the hard lesson of their own experience.
