Power, Intimacy and Conflict. This important, although hefty (425 pages) book reads more like a "thriller" than a non-fiction "how to better understand and improve the health of your family" guide. Scarf weaves rich accounts of families struggling with core issues to all families; POWER - Who has it and how it's managed, INTIMACY - How to achieve it, and, CONFLICT - How to resolve it. Whether we are ready to accept it or not, the apparent truth is that each of us, in many ways, forms the basis of our beliefs about relationships during our early years within the context of our family. Excerpt. "It is within the early family that we learn patterns of being, both of a healthy and pathological nature, which will gradually be assimilated into, and become a fundamental part of our own experience." The health of a family is, in large part, determined by how the members function together. Scarf uses the Beavers Family Systems Model to classify in which of 5 levels of health and competence a family functions. The highest functioning, Optimal Families, have learned to share power equally. The lowest functioning, Families in Pain, have conflicts that never get resolved while confusion and turmoil are the norm. In between, the midrange families are either Polarized, Rule Bound or Adequate. We once heard a psychologist state, "95% of all families are dysfunctional and abnormal." Although we clearly disagree (if 95% are abnormal, it sounds like they would be considered normal and 5% would be abnormal), Scarf presents highly practical and simple techniques to improve the functioning of a family.

We are tired of the endless check out counter "How to" books that promise wealth, fame and happiness. Scarf's message in Intimate Worlds is not a fad and promises to be on the shelf of relationship professionals. This pleasurable text should be included on the reading list of anyone who has an interest in understanding and improving the functioning of a (your) family. The author, Ph.D.-less, has been married 42 years.